Energetic Connections in Relationships

We are all searching for happiness.  One of the greatest misconceptions of being in or searching for a new relationship is that the relationship will give us happiness.  We don’t actually seek relationships to make us happy, we seek them to make us whole, to discover our ‘other half’.

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In our search for wholeness, the relationship we have with ourselves, the relationship within, is equally important as the relationships we look for outside of ourselves. The beliefs of ancient Hawaiian Huna provide some reasoning to why this is true.  In Huna, there is a belief that we are all made up of four bodies and 3 minds:

1. The physical body which supports the mind and houses all of the other bodies.

2. The emotional body which houses the unconscious mind, the part of our mind that we are not consciously aware of right now.

3. The mental body where the conscious, logical, reasoning mind resides.

4. The spiritual body, the higher conscious mind which has the potential to see to it that you have your life the way you want it.

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So, when you reflect inward and notice how you feel about yourself, whatever you can conceive of consciously, you are much more than that.  Your conscious mind alone cannot process the totality of who you are.  How many times have you looked inside and beat yourself up about who you are?  Your unconscious mind takes everything personally and creates behaviour to support that thinking and you will project that to others.  How are you going to recognise attraction to others if you can’t treat yourself with love and respect?

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There is an active polarity between our conscious and unconscious mind and this is reflected outside of ourselves when we are looking for attraction to others.  Let’s consider this polarity in terms of electrical current or energy.  In a system of electricity, energy flows from negative to positive terminals.  We can think of the conscious mind as the positive terminal with electrical energy and the unconscious mind as the negative terminal with magnetic energy.  Huna also equates the positive terminal with men and the negative with women.  So when we are attracted to someone, we fulfil the energetic potential of the polarity between us.

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We simply can’t exist without energy. Energy flows through every relationship and both poles need to be hooked up to make it work.  We are all one part of the polarity and all relationships are about that energy.  We are most strongly attracted to others when the polarity is working freely at its maximum, resulting in incredible energy.  Have you ever felt a connection with another person that was really strong?  That’s the beginning of the polarity when attraction is at its maximum.  After this initial polarity response the energy settles to a level where there is a greater level of bonding.  Relationships begin to feel uncomfortable when the energy is depleted or dies off completely.

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So, how do we know when a relationship is energetically dead?  Well, it’s important that if you are flirting, you are flirting with the person that you are with.  If you are flirting with someone outside of your relationship, then it is already too late, there is no polarity with the person you are with.  In a zero polarity relationship there is no physical contact.  When one or both partners have affairs, they are following their Energy Neuro-driver which is the energy creator that is beyond our conscious control.  The Energy Neuro-driver is undeniable and gives the attraction to another person and they feel the energy.  When two people feel this energy, they often believe that they have discovered their sole mate, this isn’t necessarily true as other attraction factors are also required to be present.  This is one of the reasons why affairs are often short lived.  In addition to the polarity energy, we also need to connect with the person’s personality and be able to communicate with them.  Remember, whatever you like and don’t like about a person is you.  When we stay in relationships which are energetically dead, we stay for reasons of secondary gain that prevent us from ending the relationship, such as financial support, care of others, maintaining the home.  It is also worth considering that money is a type of energy too and that negative emotion about money blocks the polarity flow.

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How can you increase the polarity in your relationship?  Well, good health promotes polarity energy, so plenty of exercise and a healthy lifestyle is a great start.  From an NLP and Time Line Therapy® viewpoint, it is important to remove any and all negative anchors that have been set up between you and your partner along with all negative emotions.  You should also elicit and fulfil each-others deep love and attraction strategies on a regular basis.

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An NLP Relationship Coach is an excellent resource for healing a relationship where the polarity energy is depleted.  First, ask yourself these questions: ‘Is this relationship worth having?’ If both parties can’t answer a congruent ‘yes’ to this question, then the polarity energy is gone.  If both parties answer ‘yes’, then the next question is, ‘Are you willing to do whatever it takes to make it work?’  The NLP Coach will then help you to elicit and negotiate the values for the relationship, so that both partners end up with matching and congruently aligned values sets.  They will assist you to discover each-others strategies, negative anchors and negative emotions and enable you to clear them up, releasing the energy for the relationship once more.

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To create a new relationship, there are a couple of tasks that you should complete when you are considering connecting with a new partner.  First, make an extensive list of what you want in an ideal relationship (physical, emotional, mental and spiritual) and a second list of what you don’t want in a relationship.  Have an NLP Coach help you to elicit your values for a relationship, release negative emotions and remove the limiting decisions that showed up within your second list.  The NLP Coach will also guide you through developing a goal and placing it in your future time line.  Then, it’s up to you to take action, enforce your boundaries and focus on what you want.

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