Quietening Your Internal Dialogue

Internal dialogue, also known as self-talk, plays a powerful role in shaping your emotional states, behaviours, and perceptions of the world around you. Your internal voice tells you the story of how things are in your model of the world and can be both helpful and also quite unhelpful.

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For many, the internal monologue can be a source of unresourceful feelings, unhelpful thoughts, and self-doubt. Understanding how to quieten or transform this dialogue is a central focus of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Today, I’m going to explore the nature of your internal dialogue, its causes, and outline some practical methods to quieten or transform the narrative using NLP thinking.

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Internal dialogue refers to the constant stream of thoughts, evaluations, and commentary that runs through your mind. Your self-talk can either be positive, supportive, and empowering or negative, critical, and limiting. When it leans towards the latter, it can significantly impact your mental well-being, self-esteem, and ability to handle life's challenges when they are presented to you.

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Generally speaking, when you have an unresourceful internal dialogue, you are doing one of two things, or even a blend of both. Firstly, you could be telling yourself a story made up of selected artifacts from your past. In the same way that an archaeologist discovers ancient artifacts at an archaeological dig and then creates a story to describe the people of ancient times and how they lived, you select certain memories from your past and tell yourself a story of your experiences and what they mean for your capability and behaviours in now. Secondly, you could be rehearsing something in the future, rehearsing it going badly and then getting stage fright (we call that anxiety).  

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So, how do you choose what the story should be?

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Much of your internal dialogue is informed by your early experiences, particularly during childhood. Messages you have absorbed from parents, teachers, and peers can imprint deeply on your unconscious mind, forming the basis of limiting beliefs. For example, a child who is repeatedly told they are ‘not good enough’, or ‘You’re not clever, you will never amount to anything in life’, may develop a persistent internal critic that reinforces this belief throughout adulthood.

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People who fear the concept of failure or have perfectionist tendencies are more likely to engage in negative self-talk. This happens because they set unrealistically high standards for themselves and then criticize themselves harshly when they don't meet these expectations.

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Constantly comparing yourself to others can fuel negative internal dialogue. Social media and cultural expectations often contribute to this habit, leading individuals to believe they fall short in some way.

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Traumas, disappointments, and past failures can leave psychological imprints that manifest as your negative internal voices. These voices may act as protective mechanisms, seeking to shield the person from future pain and ultimately causing more harm than good.

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According to the cognitive-behavioural thinking of NLP, your mind engages in distorted ways of thinking, such as catastrophising (expecting the worst), black-and-white thinking (viewing things as all good or all bad), and overgeneralisation. These cognitive distortions contribute significantly to negative internal dialogue.

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When the creators of NLP studied the work of Fritz Perls, the founder of Gestalt Therapy, they paid attention to his contribution to understanding the inner dialogue. Fritz often referred to the concept of the ‘topdog’ and ‘underdog’ dynamic in the psyche. The topdog represents the internal critic, the authoritative voice that sets the rules, criticises, and judges. The underdog is the part of you that feels inadequate, makes excuses, and resists change.

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Perls believed that this internal conflict between topdog and underdog is a fundamental aspect of human suffering. He argued that we need to bring these parts into awareness and reconcile them to achieve inner harmony. NLP focuses on helping individuals become more conscious of their self-talk, understanding its origins, and transforming these negative voices into a dialogue that is more supportive and aligned with their true self.

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Now we know the likely origins of your unresourceful self-talk, let’s consider how you might begin to change the nature of your internal dialogue to make it much more resourceful, even empowering.

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Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) provides a practical framework for understanding and changing your internal dialogue. NLP views the mind as a system of language patterns and representations that directly influence our emotional and behavioural states. By changing how you talk to yourself, you can shift your feelings and responses.

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One of the key NLP approaches that can help quieten the negative self-talk and replace it with more resourceful thinking is reframing.  Reframing involves changing the meaning of a thought or experience to see it from a different perspective. When you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, ask yourself, "What else could this mean?" or "What could be a positive intention behind this thought?" For instance, if the thought is "I always fail at everything," you could reframe it to "I’m learning new ways to handle challenges." Remember, there is no such thing as failure, only feedback and learning. Reframing helps transform the negative internal voice into one that is more constructive and solution-oriented, leading to feelings of empowerment rather than defeat.

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You can also use something called Submodalities to quieten the internal voice. NLP teaches that our thoughts have different sensory qualities, known as submodalities. For example, a negative internal voice might sound loud, harsh, and dominant. By changing these submodalities, we can alter the impact of the thought. To do this, imagine turning down the volume of the critical voice, making it softer, or even changing its tone to something silly or ridiculous. The goal is to lessen the emotional impact that this voice has on you. This technique allows you to distance yourself from the negativity and see it as less threatening or intimidating.

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Every thought you have contains a pattern which it follows to produce the outcome. Pattern interrupts are techniques designed to break the automatic cycle of negative thinking. When you notice a negative thought, do something unexpected to disrupt it, for example, clap your hands, take a deep breath, or visualise a stop sign. The sudden change in focus interrupts the habitual pattern of self-talk, giving you a moment to consciously choose a different response.

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Anchoring is a powerful NLP technique that links a physical sensation to a positive emotional state. To create an anchor, think of a moment when you felt completely confident and resourceful. Fully immerse yourself in that memory, reliving the sights, sounds, and feelings. Then, create a unique physical trigger, like pressing your knuckle. When negative self-talk arises, use your anchor to recall the positive state. This helps shift your focus from the unresourceful feelings generated by the inner critic to a state of confidence and clarity.

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The Swish Pattern is a classic NLP technique used to replace unresourceful internal images or thoughts with positive ones. Visualise the negative thought as an image in your mind, then imagine a new, positive thought that represents your desired state. Mentally ‘swish’ the negative image out of the frame and replace it with the positive image in a swift, dynamic motion. Repeat this several times to condition your mind to automatically replace the negative thought with the empowering one.

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As I wrote earlier, your self talk is generally a story constructed from your past experiences or a rehearsal of something in the future. So, the past is back then and the future is not yet. NLP emphasises awareness, integration, and the importance of staying present in the moment.   Much of your unresourceful thinking comes from being disconnected from the present moment. Your negative internal dialogue often focuses on past regrets or future anxieties. By practicing becoming aware of your thoughts as they arise, you can observe them without getting entangled in their narratives. This present moment awareness reduces the power of negative self-talk.

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Here are some practical strategies that can help you quieten your internal dialogue:

Acknowledge the negative voice without judgment. Simply notice when it arises and label it, such as "Here’s my inner critic again." This dissociation helps you to reduce its impact and prevents you from identifying too closely with it.

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Ask yourself questions like, "Is this thought really true?" or "What evidence do I have to support or refute this belief?" By questioning the validity of the negative dialogue, you weaken its hold over you.

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Once you've interrupted and questioned the negative self-talk, replace it with resourceful and empowering self-statements. Create a list of empowering beliefs that align with the person you want to become and repeat these statements regularly.

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Practice staying grounded in the present moment and observe your thoughts without getting swept away by them. Notice self-talk patterns before they escalate.

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Imagine a scenario where you handle a situation with complete confidence and ease. Visualise yourself responding to challenges with a calm and resourceful mindset. By regularly practicing this visualisation, you can train your unconscious mind to adopt this positive self-image in real-life situations.

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Only you can take action and change your story. Let us know how you get on!

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